How To Overcome Codependency And Separation Anxiety
Codependency is the body/mind unconsciously seeking affection. This seeking of emotional fulfillment may come in the form of being dependent on a significant other for our emotional needs, being dependent on our work, and it may also lead to addictions.
What Causes Codependency Issues?
A person may become codependent because they may have been brought up in a home where affection was missing (the parents were emotionally detached), causing the absence of Oxytocin in their brain development, an essential chemical for bonding and regulating emotional responses.
A person may begin to work on themselves by nurturing their soul and creating an environment that will stimulate the ‘happy chemicals’ Oxytocin and Serotonin through sensory stimulation and physical activities—for example, spending time out in nature or volunteering.
It’s also imperative to pray, meditate, and allow God to restore our self-esteem, self-confidence, self-identity, validation, and self-worth.
Humans Were Created With An Inherent Desire To Be loved.
God created human beings with an inherent desire for affection and to be loved. Because of this desire and its effect on our psychological development, God instructs parents to bond with their developing children. The benefits of parent-child bonding are vital to a child’s mental and emotional well-being, dictating how a child will develop and function in society.
A home where there is a lack of bonding will result in the child growing up to suffer psychological issues such as low-self esteem, low self-confidence, unhealthy fear, anxiety, depression, insecurities, and codependency, among other psychological symptoms.
Whereas a child who grew up in a home where there was healthy bonding with the parents, the child will grow up to be
▪️Happy and content
▪️Have a sense of validation
▪️Have confidence
▪️Have a healthy self-esteem
▪️Have healthy boundaries
▪️Have self-control
▪️Have a healthy and positive outlook on life
▪️Have empathy/compassion
▪️Have a healthy way of managing stressful situations
▪️Have a healthy mental and emotional well-being
Physical Needs vs. Emotional Needs
In many cultures and homes, parents believe that parenting is mostly about the physical provision for a child. Still, a child needs more than those material provisions to develop into a healthy adult.
Emotional needs are the affection the child needs from the parent. Without affection, the child will grow up to have an emotional void and will seek after things to fill those voids. The lack of affection will also affect their communication skills as adults, contributing to social anxiety and negatively impacting their interpersonal relationships.
How Does Emotional Detachment Contribute To Co-dependency
Regarding females, we have heard of the term ‘daddy issues‘; this is when a female may unconsciously seek a romantic relationship with an older man for emotional fulfillment (looking for that affection she should have received from her biological father).
Men may also show codependency issues by becoming attached to relationships that fulfill their emotional needs, such as being heard and validated. Other codependency issues may be seen when a person puts more value in their work, seeks others to validate them, and looks to others for their self-worth. People may sometimes result to addictive behaviors (drugs, excessive shopping, alcohol).
How Can We Overcome Codependency Issues?
Submit your life to God through Christ: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Submit your anxious thoughts to God: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
Overcome the repetitive negative thoughts: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 KJV
Overcome the worrying thoughts: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 NIV
Know your self-worth and know that your validation is in Jesus Christ alone: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalms 139:14 NIV
Overcome the fear that may be keeping you in bondage: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
Keep your thoughts on the truth of God about your life: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV
Keep your hope only in God: Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me. Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Nurture your soul: Step out of your comfort zone and try to participate in sensory stimulating activities and physical activities that will help induce your ‘happy chemicals’.
For examples
Aromatherapy – induces serotonin and dopamine
Enjoy sunlight – induces serotonin
Relaxing in nature – stimulates serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins
Listening to classical music – induces dopamine and Oxytocin
Meditating on God’s word – boosts serotonin
Joining a class that fulfills you – stimulates dopamine
If you want to talk to a therapist, please do not hesitate to contact us at lnjlifecoaching@gmail.com.
