How Our Upbringing Affects The Health Of Our Psychological Development
As a therapist, when I work with clients who may be suffering from issues such as unhealthy fear, anxiety, low-self esteem, pride, emotional dependency, depression, or insecurities, my first instinct is to probe into their childhood to find out if they went through trauma growing up.
Research shows that 98% of the population has endured trauma growing up – whether it is direct or indirect trauma which greatly affects our Psychological Development.
What Is Trauma In The Psychological Context?
Going through very stressful, frightening, or distressing events.
What Are Some Examples Of Trauma
Repeatedly hearing negative words or phrases
Verbal abuse
Mental abuse
Sexual abuse
Physical abuse
Lack of communication
Emotional detachment
Gaslighting
Rejection/abandonment
Strict parenting (authoritarian)
Witnessing parental divorce
What Happens During Our Psychological Development? (Mental and Emotional Well-being)
Birth: From the day you are born (0 years), you come into the world with a ‘clean slate,’ both psychologically and spiritually. Although we are born into a “broken” and sinful world and are prone to sin (fleshly desires), we can become children of God and live a Holy life according to the Will of God. But knowing about God and developing a relationship with Him is a parent’s responsibility according to God’s command.
Nurturing: God expects parents (father) to nurture the child according to His Will. Ephesians 6:4 AMP says – Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Anything outside of these guidelines from God will cause problems and affect a child’s Psychological Development. In a nutshell, God expects parents to show affection toward their developing children and wisely discipline them accordingly.
Examples Of Parental Affection
- Spending quality time with the child.
- Showing lots of affection to the child
- Building trust.
- Instructing them in The Lord.
- Disciplining them when needed.
- Healthy affirmation to help the child build healthy self-esteem.
- Doing activities with the child.
- Communication
- Lots of laughter
Bonding Process: The bonding process (a very crucial process) nurtures the child’s physical, emotional, spiritual, and social development. The bonding process is between the ages of 0 years to 21 years old. During this process, there is psychological development happening, as well as spiritual development. In addition, emotional bonding with the parents, especially the father, builds the child’s self-esteem, which helps the child healthily navigate life when they become adults.
Healthy Bonding Process: A child grows into a healthy adult emotionally and mentally – with healthy psychological development.
No Bonding Process: When the bonding process is affected, it produces psychological issues such as unhealthy fear, low-self esteem, depression, and worry.
Trauma: Most often, the absence of the bonding process could indicate trauma in the child’s life. Traumatic events such as lack of communication in the home, lack of emotional bonding, strict parenting, or indirect neglect of the child can be very subtle. In some cases, the child can experience trauma when the parents go through a divorce which in many cases affects the child indirectly. Or the child loses one or both parents, which in most cases may cause the child to grow into an adult that suffers from severe anxiety, insecurity, abandonment issues, or guilt.
Most common forms of trauma come from what is being said or not being said. Our words and actions are very tangible and have tangible effects on a person. The Bible talks about the power of our words. Proverbs 12:18 NIV says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Trauma is a distressing situation that elicits a fear response. There is a healthy fear (the fight or flight response) – and an unhealthy fear that comes about when a person suffers from trauma for an extended period of time.
Healthy fear is supposed to put us in survival mode, and it works to soothe and protect us in the face of danger and help us decide whether to stay and fight or flee from danger.
Emotions Are Spirits
In contrast, the (fear response) in long-term trauma can be detrimental to a person’s psyche – Spiritually, fear is a spirit. In addition, when fear inhabits a person, it comes with other unclean spirits, such as anxiety, worry, depression, insecurity, or low confidence.
The Bible indicates that our emotions are Spirits
2 Timothy 1:7 KJV says, – “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Galatians 5:22-23 NIV says, – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
In both verses, we can see that the emotions we feel, whether fear, Love, Joy, or Peace, are all Spirits.
Emotions (spirits) Become Strongholds In Our Mind
Depending on the trauma you experienced growing up, you become vulnerable to the enemy. Two ways the enemy inhabits a person’s life are through trauma and sin. When we experience trauma, we go into survival mode, which is how the enemy gets to us – so fear moves in and may come with anxiety. These spirits now form a stronghold in your mind, and they become part of your thought pattern – these thought patterns, over time, become dominant, and they begin to influence your behavior and attitude. Proverbs 4:23 NCV says, “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.”
The enemy’s work is to lie to us, condemn us, destroy us, and ultimately kill us.
There are some people in The Bible whose fear and low self-esteem got the best of them when God called them to work for Him. For example, you can read about Moses in Exodus 4:10-17 and Gideon in Judges 6:12-22 (Gideon seeks confirmation in Judges 6:36-40).
These negative emotions/unclean spirits can mess with a person their whole life and prevent them from living the life God has planned for them. They can make a person stuck in life, live in their comfort zone, and prevent people from accomplishing their dreams. In addition, they can cause people to live below their potential or never use the gifts and talents God blessed them with – In most extreme cases, these unclean spirits may torment a person till they take their own life (commit suicide).
How To Work To Over These Mental Strongholds
2 Corinthians 10:4-6 NIV The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.
Romans 12:2 NIV Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Philippians 4:8 NIV Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
The Importance Of Going Through Deliverance And Healing
It is vital to go through deliverance and healing. Partnering with God through fervent prayers and fasting will help us experience deliverance and healing. Depending on the spirits tormenting your mind and influencing the way you behave, it is vital to list down these spirits and go into warfare. For example, you may be struggling with the spirit of insecurity, the spirit of anger, or the spirit of anxiety. You will list them all and go into prayer using Psalm 35:1-10 and Psalm 59. You may have to combine the prayers with fasting because, as Jesus said in Mark 9:29 KJV, ‘And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.’
What Should Our Psychological State Look Like?
2 Timothy 1:7 KJV – emphatically states, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
God’s will is for us to experience love, power, and a sound mind. Also, joy, peace, healthy self-esteem, self-confidence, and the ability to express ourselves freely.
Most importantly, God desires us to be healthy so that we can experience a personal and intimate relationship with Him.
Healthy Psychological Development is vital.
